Gameweek 33: Double Trouble

Double Gameweek 33 promised so much, but ultimately flattered to deceive for most. For some, though, it’s a gameweek that will live long in the memory, with some stunning successes and some devastating defeats.
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Well, Gameweek 33 was a bit of a rollercoaster. After squeezing in Son and Kane on a Free Hit, neither of them did anything. Then came Manchester United, and having Ronaldo in my team and Bruno as captain, I thought I’d be laughing up against the league’s worst defence. Though Bruno, deployed in a deeper role, did absolutely nothing, Ronaldo did his part, smashing in a hat-trick to leave me ruing the decision not to give him the armband. I ended the Saturday ranked 5,860 in the world, with fifteen players still to play, yet amid the euphoria, there was a sense of trepidation. To squeeze in Kane and Bruno, I’d sold Salah, and he was still to play against a Manchester United team that looked woeful defensively. Still, I hoped, maybe he’ll continue his low-scoring run. It’s the only gameweek of the season I’ve not owned him. It would be unlucky for him to catch fire in that one gameweek.

Even thinking it, I knew I was lying to myself. From the moment the deadline passed, a pit had been growing in my stomach, one unabated by Ronaldo’s hat-trick. I knew how highly-owned Salah was, and I knew many of those ahead of me would have him as captain. Any return at all would punish me severely, and I had no confidence in Bruno to make up the difference. Despite having outscored my nearest rivals by over twenty points in the Saturday games and having so many players still to play, the decision to get Bruno and Kane haunted me. As my double Newcastle defence and Wood lined up to play Leicester, I no longer felt excited. I was concerned, and it was a trepidation justified, with Lookman scoring to wipe out the clean sheet and Wood left isolated through poor service. The only consolation was that those Newcastle points took me past my previous-best points total, which is quite remarkable when there was still five-and-a-half gameweeks to go, but that consolation was scant, given the circumstances. Adding salt in the wound, Weghorst, the absolute donkey I sold on my Free Hit, scored an inevitable goal. I could have had him, Alexander-Arnold and Salah instead of Bruno, Telles and Kane, and I’d already be better off from Weghorst alone with better players still to play, I thought. I’ve messed this Free Hit up badly.

Then came the big match. Liverpool vs Manchester United. No Ronaldo, missing through compassionate leave. Telles left on the bench, a situation that was actually a relief, given my fear of what Liverpool were about to do. Only Bruno could save me from the inevitable massacre. Bar one gameweek, he’s been crap ever since they signed Ronaldo, I thought. He’s just been in a car crash, which Jez Messing tried to claim was engineered by Go Cartin in desperation before I shut him down, telling him that we’ve already done that story with Big Steve and the boys starting a riot last season, and that it would be the signs of a tired mind to write something similar. Still, with Ronaldo and Telles out, he’ll be taking all the set-pieces. Even if Liverpool smash Manchester United, he could pinch a penalty, steal a screamer or thieve a tap-in. Just one captain’s goal could make all the difference. And who knows, maybe Salah would continue his dry spell.

In a game as unpredictable as FPL, in a gameweek where Newcastle’s defensive midfielder scored twenty points and Burnley’s defensive midfielder – tauntingly, on my bench as a cheap enabler – scored thirteen, the most predictable of events became reality. Salah didn’t just score, he got two goals and an assist. Bruno, predictably, did absolutely nothing, meaning Alexander-Arnold got the clean sheet. It was a disaster, one exacerbated the next night when Saka took the penalty off Martinelli and scored, earning himself some personal vindication and my closest rival ten points, while condemning me to a big fall in the overall rankings. Ward-Prowse did nothing. Wood did nothing. Martinelli did nothing. The only salvation was my double Newcastle defence keeping a clean sheet, and even that was a nightmare, watching them go all-out defence for half an hour. All joy had been sucked from the gameweek. My overall ranking had been slashed to 14,415. My non-Free Hit team, with a transfer of Doherty to Schar and a Salah captaincy, outscored my hand-picked XI by fourteen points. The chip was wasted, the opportunity was lost, and my head was in my hands. It was a true FPL Nightmare, and it’s one I can only hope does not ruin my season.

And yet, incredibly, it could prove to be the gameweek when the title was won. Through my devastation, a glimmer of salvation came through. Go Cartin had blown it. He sold Salah for Son, watching nineteen points – 38 on a captaincy – become just three. He sold Doherty for zero-point James for a hit, leaving six-point Robertson on the bench. He scored just thirty-three points, meaning that he was now 92 points behind me, and with no Salah in his squad. Somehow, in a gameweek where I contrived to make it as difficult as possible for myself, I put myself in a dominant position. My lead at the top grew from 58 points to 88, a huge margin with only five gameweeks remaining. Despite the disappointment at my blundered chip, my position has become so much stronger.

I wasn’t the only one whose position improved exponentially. The reason the gap over Go Cartin is 92 points, but my lead at the top is only 88, is because Jockin’ Jeeves found an extra 38 points to the man ahead of him to move into second position. He was the only man in the top three to own Salah, though the gains were limited by his captaincy of Kane, and he was the only title contender to own Saka. With Cartin only holding a Free Hit and his team in disarray, the Townhead Gunner now looks the strongest threat to my dreams of completing the King’s Quest. He retains a Free Hit and a Bench Boost, and the big question is when he uses those chips, with his Wildcarded squad not looking in great shape to deploy the Bench Boost with Doherty injured, Chalobah and Mateta no longer favoured and Broja continuing to disappoint. Still, if he was to Free Hit in Double Gameweek 36, he would have four free transfers to improve his squad for a Gameweek 37 Bench Boost, and I suspect that’s what he will do.
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If Jeeves is able to pull away from Go Cartin, and if this becomes a two-horse race, in many respects it will be fitting. The final book of the trilogy. The end of the story. Myself, on the verge of overcoming my greatest hurdle to achieve my greatest victory. The man who will be my best man at my wedding aiming to break my heart. Jeeves and I have spent countless hours over the years locked in darkened rooms, arguing over which players to sign and which strategies to deploy, obsessing over this game and striving to be better, with him always, always, coming out on top. Now, at the time that I arbitrarily decided nine months ago matters most, he may well be the final boss I need to defeat to complete the King’s Quest. We both have a Bench Boost. He has a Free Hit. I have activated my Wildcard. Five gameweeks to go.

The Cup Chronicles

We have never had a brother versus brother knockout cup tie in the League of Gentlemen. Now, with the only opportunity remaining for that to happen being the Gentlemen’s Trophy final, we are tantalisingly close to the prospect. Both Dan the Dragon and Hitman Hodgson won the first leg of their respective Semi-Final ties, both hold a comfortable advantage ahead of the second leg, and both are ranked higher than their opponents. Slick Rick’s fortunes have always lived or died by how well Spurs perform, and with no returns for Son or captain Kane this week, his chances took a massive blow. He is only still in the tie because of the defensive efforts of Jansson and Schar, who secured nineteen points between them, and the Hitman benching the 26 points of Pope, Weghorst and Robertson for the four points of de Gea, Reguilon and Justin. Nevertheless, Slick Rick had no answer to the attacking power of Saka and Salah, and he desperately needs Kane to produce in Gameweek 34 if he is to overhaul the seventeen-point deficit.

To reach the final, the Dragon faces a much simpler task: he needs to avoid defeat by 25 points. It seems a simple task at first glance, but looking deeper, he has no players that double in Gameweek 34, he has only one Manchester City asset for their game against Watford and he has two players potentially out for the season in Calvert-Lewin and Doherty. Meanwhile, Brad the Lad has Laporte and de Bruyne in addition to the Dragon-owned Cancelo, he has Mount with a double, and he still has both a Wildcard and a Triple Captain to play. The Dragon has the advantage, there’s no doubt about that, but there is also a vulnerability there for Brad the Lad to exploit. Though, like I so finely demonstrated this gameweek, mass overhauls don’t always work out, and captaincy decisions can often go awry, so those chips are no guarantee of success, and the Dragon remains the firm favourite to progress.
 
Gentlemen's Trophy, Semi-Final, First Leg scores:
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Gameweek Round-Up

The Irrelevants

​The only real change at the foot of the Irrelevants regards how far Grinchy Vogt falls each gameweek, with his attention-seeking tantrum team heading straight for the bottom. Despite the intention of scoring zero points every gameweek, the Grinch saw Lyanco play two matches and secure eight points. Who Horner and Wooden Spoon Helling moved above him this time out, and the only real question is whether Lethal Lee can find 126 points in five gameweeks to avoid finishing last. There was a gameweek of cheer for Daredevil Daisy, who has remained faithful to the Salah and Ronaldo double-up and was rewarded handsomely in Gameweek 33. Their combined 55 points lay the foundations for a 95-point score, with the Daredevil frustratingly missing out on the Hundred Club through starting White over Schar. The only Gentleman to break a century was Mack Daddy McMahon, who reached three figures despite only fielding ten men. Dennis, Richarlison, Cancelo, Mount and Alexander-Arnold provided the returns that lay the foundations, allowing captain Salah and Bruno Guimaraes’s combined 58 points to smash the glass ceiling. It resulted in a seven-place rise to 21st for the Mack Daddy, who is now only twelve points away from reaching the top twenty. Ash the Bash’s 85 points saw him climb to tenth, with Stone Cold Stephen Levins, Terminator Tris and Brad the Lad all dropping as a result, while Red Hot Rob remains in ninth, having closed the gap to the Elite to 38 points.
 

The Elite

​It was a strong gameweek for King Ding, who outscored Hitman Hodgson by 32 points to climb above him into seventh. It could have been a Hundred Club entry, too, had the King started Dennis over James, but four returns, three double-figure hauls and eighteen points from captain Schar gave him 92 points, the highest score in the Elite. He moved to just 27 points off sixth place, now occupied by the falling Mighty Mouse, who saw only four players secure any returns and was saved by from a worse fate by Salah’s heroics. Benching Foden was always asking for trouble, and the ten points lost by not playing him were compounded by also leaving Dennis on the bench. It was not possible for the Dragon to select the wrong team, with only eleven players available to play, and those players combined for a 76-point score that moved him up to fifth place. Like many others, he will be cursing himself for not captaining Salah, but given the form of Spurs attackers, players having two matches and Salah’s underwhelming run of form, it was an understandable decision. The Dragon’s late surge has brought him to within 32 points of fourth place, hunting down a Ginger Ben who is clinging to his position for dear life. It’s now seven red arrows and counting for the Mackem Messiah since his Gameweek 26 Triple Captain, with eighty points of transfer hits in nine gameweeks a huge contributor to that fall. Though his focus will be on maintaining fourth spot, he did manage to claw back 28 points on Go Cartin, and while the new occupier of third place lies 69 points ahead, the Ginger One retains fond memories of a 129-point score in a late double gameweek last season, and a repeat of that outcome in Gameweek 36 or 37 could fire him back into the medals. With Jockin’ Jeeves just four places further ahead, even the silver medal could still be claimed, though the Rap Rob Roy also has a Free Hit and has his Bench Boost to play as well. Ginger Ben is undoubtedly relying on those ahead to slip up, but with so few gameweeks to make up a large gap to top spot, should those title contenders take too many risks that go wrong, he could well reap the benefits.
 

The Man Who Would Be King

For me, the overriding emotion leaving Gameweek 33 is one of gratitude. I deployed the Keegan approach, taking huge risks on my Free Hit and being punished for them. Going without Salah, in hindsight, was a stupid move to make. Yet, in a season of smart, sensible play, it was the right time to take a wild gamble. I feel I’ve got lucky with Salah scoring those nineteen points. Had he had a quiet game, I may well have taken him out on my Gameweek 34 Wildcard, and then found myself with no way of getting him back in. The FPL Gods punished my Free Hit recklessness Old Testament-style, and the lesson has been learnt. I cannot win this title playing how I imagine Keegan would have played the game. I cannot win this title by mimicking King Ding. I cannot win this title playing the way I have played up until this season. I can only win this title by following the masterplan I outlined in the FPL Nightmare II, the masterplan that has me 88 points clear with five gameweeks to go and with a Bench Boost and Wildcard to play. The Wildcard is active, and the planning for the final five gameweeks is well under way, including how to maximise the first XI while also being in a position to attack the Bench Boost. That strategizing will continue right up until the deadline, and then my fate belongs to the FPL Gods. 14,415 in the world. 2,240 points. Five gameweeks to go. One gameweek at a time.
 
 
That concludes our round-up of Gameweek 33 in the League of Gentlemen, one which saw us move one step closer to a brother versus brother cup final, which saw Jeeves climb one more rung on the ladder, and which saw the Mack Daddy secure one more entry into the Hundred Club, his third of the season. Ahead of Gameweek 34, may all your transfers be successes, may all your arrows be green, and may the FPL Gods be in your favour.
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