The Good, The Bad And The Pukki

We're only in Gameweek Two, and already a team has dropped out and Pukki has rewritten the script. With a surprise manager topping the table, this year's League of Gentlemen looks like being the greatest season yet.

Before we get into the Gameweek Two round-up, I just want to take a moment to shout out Jeeves, who has recorded a theme for the FPL Nightmare. It’s a cracking song, which FPL players new and old will be able to relate to. I made a video for it too, and I think it’s well worth two and a half minutes of your time. So watch that, then scroll past it for, first, the weekend overview, then the team-by-team breakdown of how the weekend went, from 21st to top.

Two gameweeks in, and already the FPL nightmare has begun. Watching Liverpool vs Norwich last week, I was struck by how good Teemu Pukki was. Movement, instinct, and a great finish – without even looking at the goal – against the best defence of last season. This is the man to watch, I thought. This is this season’s Raul Jimenez. Pukki is going to be a must-have.

All week, I fought with myself. You need to get Pukki in against Newcastle. No, you need to stick to the plan of no first-week transfers. Don’t be silly, you saw how good Pukki was against Liverpool. Aye, but Newcastle had a mean defence last year, and Arsenal only scored because of confusion after a sub. Yeah, but are you really going to back Bruce’s Newcastle? Simmer down, Josh King is playing Aston Villa, and they conceded three at the weekend. Yeah, but Pukki. No, the masterplan. Pukki. Plan. Pukki. Plan.

In the end, Lawezarus Rising stuck to the masterplan, and it looked to have paid off when King scored in the opening minutes. This is why you stick to the plan. This is how you’re going to do better than you’ve ever done before. The masterplan is going to take you to the League of Gentlemen title, for the first time ever.

I underestimated just how bad Steve Bruce is.

Come 5pm, not only had I seen my team embarrassed, seen them transform Norwich into 2009 Guardiola Barcelona, but bloody Pukki had scored a hat-trick. Three goals. Three bonus points. A total of 17 points. Despite opting against having any of the North-Easterners in my team, my Newcastle bias had still conspired to devastate my gameweek. New season, same old story.
One man who didn’t allow his affections for Newcastle to impede his FPL performance was Darren Lawes. After making 13 transfers at the start of the week and preparing himself for a 48-point hit, he realised how to activate his Wildcard. A GW2 Wildcard may seem crazy to most FPL managers. Not so for the younger Lawes, who ruthlessly abandoned his hastily-assembled GW1 squad and fired himself to the top of the League of Gentlemen. They call him Deadly Daz for a reason and, much like his star signing Pukki, he shoots to kill. The only other managers to benefit from the Finnish finishes were Mikey P and Who Horner, though both had problems in their squads that meant Pukki was saving their gameweeks.

For next week, it looks like Harry Kane will be a must-have, with a home game against Bruce’s bunglers looking a ripe fixture for an early Triple Captain. Lawezarus Rising have already activated their Wildcard to ensure there is no repeat of missing out on the FPL Brucey Bonus. It remains to be seen how many follow their lead, though we can almost guarantee we won’t be the only ones doing whatever it takes to get the armband on Kane. Those who need to Wildcard to get him won’t have the option of the Triple Captain. Those who had the Spurs star in from the start – Who Horner, The Ox, Iceman Newton, Mikey P, Masterchef Gav, Hitman Hodgson, Slick Rick McLean and Aidan Thompson – will be toying with the Triple Captain idea, as will those who can utilise a free transfer to trade Aubameyang for the Tottenham man. Whether any of them have the guts to deploy the Triple Captain chip remains to be seen, though should Kane match Pukki’s total – and, let’s face it, Spurs could truly put Newcastle to the sword – there will be few players that match that score all season.

People say FPL requires patience, which it does. More than that, though, it requires ruthlessness, forward-thinking, and a great big pair of bollocks.
Now, from last place to first, let’s look at how each League of Gentlemen’s team’s fortunes were affected in Gameweek Two – the week the Pukki Party really got started.

​The League of Gentlemen:
​Weekly Round-Up.

Left the league: The Expendables – John ‘Monty’ Burns.

In a first for the League of Gentlemen, we have had a participant withdraw from the competition. Though we are sad to see him go, we understand that the standard is very high, and even the best FPL managers can succumb to the immense pressure. Like his beloved Liverpool, maybe next year will be his year.


21st: Rodallega Bombs – Aidan Thompson.

Joining FPL a week behind everyone else put Thompson at a massive disadvantage, especially after a fruitful GW1 for everyone else. In an effort to overcome the deficit, Thompson utilised his Bench Boost chip. In a true FPL Nightmare scenario, none of his substitutes played a single minute, meaning the Bench Boost chip was rendered completely ineffective. Such a situation should never have arisen when selecting a team from scratch, with all the information from GW1, and his misfortune was compounded when only Aguero offered a return, with that being a single goal. It looks like a long, hard season ahead for the Rodallega Bombs.


GW Transfers: N/A.
GW Points: 25.
Overall Points: 25.
Overall Ranking: 6,064,476.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: Bench Boost (GW2).


20th: PKG FC – Parvesh Geerish.

A better week for Parvesh, who recorded the fourth-highest gameweek total in the League of Gentlemen. The decision to captain Mane paid off in spectacular fashion, with the Senegalese sniper grabbing a goal, an assist and maximum bonus points, to give Parvesh 26 points from one man alone. Goals from Firmino and Harry Wilson were his other returns. A concern for him must be the lack of minutes for both Janmaat and Cancelo so far, meaning he is relying on Hanley to retain his place in the Norwich team in order to field a defence each week.


GW Transfers: One (Andone in, Long out).
GW Points: 56.
Overall Points: 85.
Overall Ranking: 4,612,600.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


19th: Mickey Quinnaj – Jonathan ‘Jie’ Johnstone.

Jie looked to capitalise on a solid opening gameweek by making his first hit of the season, bringing in Wan-Bissaka and McGinn at the expense of Robertson and Fraser. This had a detrimental effect on his GW score, with a net score of minus-five from his transfers. It does, however, free up some extra funds for future squad strengthening. His only returns this week were a goal from Sterling and an assist from Rashford, who also bagged a bonus point. A risky use of the captain’s armband on Richarlison failed to pay off, with the Everton man only bringing in six points for Jie. With only one premium player in his squad, Jie will surely use his extra funds to bring in a second next week, perhaps Kane for Rashford.


GW Transfers: Two (Wan-Bissaka in, Robertson out; McGinn in, Fraser out).
GW Points: 34.
Overall Points: 90.
Overall Ranking: 4,269,540
Total Hits Taken: One (-4 points).
Chips Used: None.


18th: Does It Mata? – Ben ‘Hitman’ Hodgson.

The Hitman had to make an enforced change following the injury to Allison, and opted to take a hit in an attempt to capitalise on the extra funds generated. Replacing the Liverpool stopper with the popular Pope, he saw his new goalkeeper outscore his substitute keeper. However, he’d opted to leave Pope on the bench, which meant missing out on a point. His other transfer was to trade Zaha out for GW1 star Mahrez, following his three assists. Alas, the Hitman forgot to factor in the infamous Pep roulette, and watched in horror as the Algerian ace played just ten minutes and returned only one point. He may regret not bringing in Martial instead, who scored his second goal in as many games as a midfielder playing up front.


GW Transfers: Two (Mahrez in, Zaha out; Pope in, Allison out).
GW Points: 37.
Overall Points: 94.
Overall Ranking: 3,923,316.
Total Hits Taken: One (-4 points).
Chips Used: None.


17th: Walney Utd. – Andrew ‘Wooden Spoon’ Helling.

In a maverick move, Wooden Spoon selected Ings of Southampton as his captain, against last season’s meanest defence. As the gameweek began, the pundits sneered, saying it’s no wonder he always finishes bottom. However, Wooden Spoon had the last laugh, as Ings was his highest-scoring player after returning a goal. This is not cause for celebration though, as it underlined the lack of returns from the rest of his squad, with only Pickford offering extra points. How much patience is afforded to the non-playing Alonso is up for debate, with other strong options in defence. Surely, though, a manager with designs on success needs to replace the injured Dele Alli, who is out indefinitely and should never have been selected to begin with.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 34.
Overall Points: 101.
Overall Ranking: 3,150,050.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


16th: Cuthben87 – ‘Ginger’ Ben Cuthbertson.

Ginger Ben exposed his inexperience a little this weekend. Making four transfers for a twelve-point hit, he brought in the non-playing Barkley and watched Mount – available for the same price – retain his place in Chelsea’s team and score ten points. Another reactionary move was to bring in Origi, despite common sense suggesting he’d be relegated to the bench following Mane’s return. His other two signings returned just four points between them, giving Ginger Ben a net return of -8 points from his transfer dealings. In another FPL nightmare scenario, he saw goalkeeper Ederson return a single point, while Patricio’s nine points sat on his bench. Returns from Aguero, King, Ndombele and Coleman saved his gameweek, though the effect was negligible due to the hits taken. The question Ginger Ben needs to answer is whether it’s worth having a £5m goalkeeper on his bench, when he could downgrade to a £4m player, start Ederson every week and use the extra funds to strengthen his starting eleven.


GW Transfers: Four (Maitland-Niles in, Ake out; Kelly in, Mariappa out; Barkley in, Andre Gomes out; Origi in, Deulofeu out).
GW Points: 40.
Overall Points: 103.
Overall Ranking: 3,041,978.
Total Hits Taken: Three (-12 points).
Chips Used: None.


15th: Really – Adam Birkett.

Birkett opted for a sensible transfer this week, bringing in Ederson to replace the injured Allison. Though Ederson brought in only one point, he will provide Birkett with the stability to focus on the outfield players going forward. Returns from De Bruyne, Neves, Rashford and captain Aubameyang gave Birkett an above-average gameweek total of 48 points. Whether he sticks with Lo Celso this week is the big question; while Newcastle is a plum fixture, there is no value in having £7.5m tied up in a midfielder with ten minutes in two games. A trade for teammate Ndombele could reap rewards, with the Frenchman having returned in both fixtures this season while also costing £1.4m less.


GW Transfers: One (Ederson in, Allison out).
GW Points: 48.
Overall Points: 109.
Overall Ranking: 2,360,757.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


14th: Farcselona – ‘Metal’ Marc Farquhar.

Going with the same team as last week, Metal Marc saw returns from captain Firmino, Grealish, Pickford and Sterling, to give an above-average gameweek total of 46 points. Concern for the fans of Farcselona comes from the injury to Joelinton. With Saint-Maximin missing out through injury, and Foden and Success having just 25 minutes of football between them this season, gameweek three will be the first test of whether Metal Marc is focused and committed, or whether his team is a set-and-forget. If it is the latter, next week could see the start of a slide down the table.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 46.
Overall Points: 110.
Overall Ranking: 2,205,651.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


13th: Dumb and Dummett – ‘Big’ Steve Allison.

No transfers for Big Steve this week, though with Newcastle suffering a hiding and looking well off the pace, you wonder how long his triple-Newcastle axis will last. Four one-point returns hampered his gameweek score this week, though returns from de Bruyne, Aguero and Firmino resulted in a solid gameweek score. With Jorginho returning one point in both games this season, you have to wonder how long he can be carried. Given the injury to Joelinton, Schar and Dubravka being part of an unorganised defence and few options on the bench, it wouldn’t be a surprise to see Big Steve join the gameweek three Wildcard club.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 42.
Overall Points: 118.
Overall Ranking: 1,441,224.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


12th: Lawezarus Rising – Andrew ‘FPL Nightmare’ Lawes.

In an unusual show of restraint, Lawezarus Rising made no transfers this week. Having fought the urge to bring in Pukki all week, the Norwich striker’s hat-trick could lead to Lawes gambling more in the future. The key will be ensuring there is no regression to the hit-heavy transfer policy of previous years, and it remains to be seen whether he has the mental fortitude to show the restraint necessary for success. Returns from King, Sterling and double-figures Digne gave the Rising a solid gameweek total. With their Wildcard being active for GW3, how Lawes sets up his squad could well be the determining factor, even at this early stage, as to whether this is the year he gets it right, or just another FPL Nightmare.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 40.
Overall Points: 119.
Overall Ranking: 1,355,701.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


11th: White Warriors – Laurence ‘Who’ Horner.

Another solid week for Who Horner, who saw his transfer signing of Pukki pay off in glorious fashion. While Lacazette returned eight points, the seventeen scored by his much cheaper replacement show that the White Warriors will be a force to be reckoned with this season. Only Neves and Wilson otherwise gave Who Horner returns this week, which will be a source of disappointment. With star striker Kane up against Newcastle this week, Who Horner will be expecting another good gameweek next time out. With the extra money in the bank from the Pukki transfer, we could well see Martial replacing Pereyra this weekend. Every manager in the top ten will be keeping a close eye on the White Warriors.


GW Transfers: One (Pukki in, Lacazette out).
GW Points: 48.
Overall Points: 120.
Overall Ranking: 1,314,489.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


10th: Suicide Squad – Mikey ‘P’ Paterson.

57 points suggests a strong week for the Suicide Squad, but the twenty-point hit minimised the impact of that score. In a further disaster for Mikey P, he used his bench boost chip to try to counter the transfer cost, only to see two of his subs not play. Had he started Barnes over Guendozi and played his Wildcard instead of his Bench Boost, the Suicide Squad would be sat in third place right now. One of the few players in the League of Gentlemen to enjoy the Pukki Party, he also saw returns from Barnes, Sterling and Ndombele. Where Mikey P goes next is hard to predict, though Stones for Zinchenko would seem the most logical transfer.


GW Transfers: Six (Salah in, McNeil out; Ryan in, Foster out; Ndombele in, Moura out; Sissoko in, Eriksen out; Guendozi in, El Ghazi out; Barnes in, Rodriguez out).
GW Points: 57.
Overall Points: 121.
Overall Ranking: 1,272,226.
Total Hits Taken: Five (-20 points).
Chips Used: Bench Boost (GW2).


9th: Cows Arse Shovel – Craig ‘Flash’ Whear.

A solid week for Flash, who saw returns from de Bruyne, Sterling and King help him secure an above-average gameweek score of 45 points. With two free transfers next week, Flash will look to use them to gain momentum. How he uses them will be the interesting thing. Does he stick with his double-Liverpool defence and boost his weak frontline? Replacing Perez with Cantwell would enable Greenwood to be upgraded to a £6.5m striker, though it would not generate enough funds for Pukki. Should he utilise a hit to give himself three transfers, however, he could switch Robertson to Digne, enabling the Norwich striker to replace Greenwood with cash to spare.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 45.
Overall Points: 126.
Overall Ranking: 823,458.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


8th: Hugh G. Rection XI – Gavin ‘Masterchef’ Bridges.

Another strong week for Masterchef, who saw returns from de Bruyne, Pickford, Ndombele and Rashford fire him to a gameweek total of 44 points. Will surely be regretting opting for Moise Kean at the start of the season, knowing that if he had gone for the cheaper Pukki, he would be at the apex of the League of Gentlemen right now. Masterchef will look to push on next time out, with GW3 offering his squad some very favourable fixtures. The two free transfers he has to utilise, mixed with his wiles and street-smarts, suggest the Hugh G. Rection will rise again this weekend. Bringing in Martial and Pukki for Fraser and Kean could reap huge rewards, though few would bet against Masterchef cooking up a different plan, and being successful with it.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 44.
Overall Points: 128.
Overall Ranking: 694,053.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


7th: Tiptoppers – ‘Slick’ Rick McLean.

Following a 97-point opening week is always difficult, and Slick Rick will be disappointed to only secure a third of that total this time out. A sensible transfer of Ederson to replace Allison meant he was backing the same outfield players as last week, with only Sterling, Ndombele and Wilson offering returns. The Tiptoppers have a strong first eleven, and Slick Rick should keep patience, especially with his triple-Spurs fulcrum in for a Brucey bonus this weekend. Should he wish to swoop for Pukki, Wilson would be the likely fall-guy, especially given it would free up some extra funds for Slick Rick to upgrade Torreira to Ceballos.


GW Transfers: One (Ederson in, Allison out).
GW Points: 32.
Overall Points: 129.
Overall Ranking: 666,786.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: Triple Captain (GW1).


6th: Dinga’s Ringers – Martin ‘King Ding’ Bell.

Two weeks in, and already King Ding is showing the form that earned him his title. A strong 87-point opening weekend was followed with a second above-average total, one which leaves him just nine points off the top of the table. The King won’t put too much stock in league positions at this stage. Returns from Digne, Trossard, Sterling and Wilson led him to 46 points. With two transfers to play with next weekend, there is no chance of The King joining the Wildcard club, especially knowing his rivals are already throwing chips away. He’ll bide his time, slide under the radar and use the opening weeks for assessment and foundation-building, before revelling in the panic of his opponents when injuries strike. It’s always hard to predict The King’s transfers, though he will not tolerate a £6m midfielder not getting minutes, which makes Barkley a favourite to leave. Who he brings in is even tougher to call, as he is likely to hedge against Ceballos due to fixture difficulty, and could even avoid the Pukki bandwagon in favour of finding another avenue to attack. Should he choose to gamble with a hit, a treble-transfer of Alexander-Arnold, Barkley and Wilson to Lundstram, Ceballos and Kane could reap immense short-term rewards. If there’s one thing we know about The King, however, is that he rarely gambles when it comes to FPL.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 46.
Overall Points: 133.
Overall Ranking: 438,002.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


5th: Boom Xhakalaka – Simon ‘All Star’ Vogt.

All Star Vogt is proving his nous in the transfer market, bringing in Ndombele for Perez and watching his new charge outscore his cast-off by four points. With further returns from Digne, captain Aubameyang and Wilson, Boom Xhakalaka have had a very good start to the season, albeit at the expense of their Triple Captain chip. A double-Bournemouth attack ahead of a clash with Manchester City is cause for concern, and with only one free transfer, options are limited. Martial in for Fraser would have been the obvious move, though the price changes may well have ruled that out. Still, with a very strong first team, All Star Vogt should ride the wave and, should Bournemouth’s attack manage to click, he could even gain an edge over his rivals in Gameweek Three.


GW Transfers: One (Ndombele in, Perez out).
GW Points: 48.
Overall Points: 136.
Overall Ranking: 338,626.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: Triple Captain (GW1).


3rd (equal): Madeleine Milan – Dale ‘Iceman’ Newton.

A strong week from the Iceman saw returns from Patricio, Digne, Sterling, Maddison and captain Firmino, all while retaining his free transfer. Third in the table is the highest the Iceman has ever been in the League of Gentlemen, and he is in a position of strength to build on that further. A solid substitute’s bench means he can focus on strengthening his first team, and a double-transfer of Richarlison and Jota for Martial and Pukki could see him climb even higher in the rankings. Whether the staunch Leeds fan could bring himself to turn to a Manchester United star is the question. Should he retain focus, and not allow emotions to get in the way of success, Madeleine Milan could become a real contender.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 58.
Overall Points: 138.
Overall Ranking: 257,814.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


3rd (equal): The Juggernauts – Jamie ‘Jeeves’ Ayers.

The famous Juggernaut momentum could already be building, five months earlier than normal. Renowned for stunning late-season charges up the table, Jeeves finds himself in third spot after Gameweek Two, thanks to returns from Henderson, Coleman, de Bruyne, Wilson and captain Sterling. With two free transfers for next weekend and favourable runs of fixtures for the majority of his first-team, The Juggernauts could be set for a record-breaking season. A lack of cover on the bench could be an issue, though switching Gomez to Lundstram would free up the funds to upgrade Guendozi to Ceballos, improving both the first team and the substitute’s bench. The question on everyone’s lips is whether Jeeves can retain composure, or whether he’ll Wildcard or transfer hit himself into unnecessary trouble. Years of experience suggest last season’s runner-up will see problems that aren’t there and make a whole host of changes ahead of next weekend, only to live to regret them.


GW Transfers: None.
GW Points: 54.
Overall Points: 138.
Overall Ranking: 257,814.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


2nd: Oxsmorons – Dan ‘The Ox’ Oxley.

A quiet week for Oxsmorons saw a solid transfer of replacing Allison with de Gea, and returns from de Bruyne, Firmino and captain Sterling. While the rest of his team did nothing, The Ox will be pleased by a second-successive above average score, even though he relinquished top spot in the table. Scratching below the surface, however, and we see The Ox could have real problems in the coming weeks. Dendoncker, Kante and Rodrigo aren’t midfielders likely to bag many returns, yet all three start for Oxsmorons. On his bench, he has two injured players and a non-playing striker. He has no Liverpool or Manchester City defenders, and Ake faces a visit from the most devastating strike-force in the league. With no options and only one free transfer, The Ox faces the difficult choice of whether to Wildcard, or to back his four premium attackers to cover the glaring weaknesses in his squad. It’s a decision he simply has to get right.


GW Transfers: One (de Gea in, Allison out).
GW Points: 45.
Overall Points: 139.
Overall Ranking: 244,825.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: None.


1st: Dazzlers – Darren ‘Deadly Daz’ Lawes.

The surprise leader of the League of Gentlemen is Deadly Daz, who gave the whole division the ol’ razzle-dazzle with a Gameweek Two Wildcard and the highest points total of the weekend. A last-minute addition to the competition, he started Gameweek One with a rushed squad selection, one which secured him a strong 76 points. Not wanting to rest on his laurels, he took in the information from the opening weekend and activated his Wildcard, reformatting the Dazzlers with three premium players in Salah, Sterling and de Bruyne. He chose Rashford, Martial and that man Pukki to support them, and watched it pay off in stunning fashion, with five of the six players offering returns, including two double-figure hauls. Whether he can retain top spot remains to be seen, and it will take shrewd operating in the transfer market. One option would be to bring in Lundstram for Chilwell, which would free up funds to upgrade Martinelli or Heise the week after. The vultures swarming behind will be waiting for a slip, and Deadly Daz will need to keep his wits about him. This week, however, he showed true bravery, and he deserves the fortune that favoured him.


GW Transfers: Wildcard.
GW Points: 66.
Overall Points: 142.
Overall Ranking: 159,542.
Total Hits Taken: None.
Chips Used: Wildcard (GW2).


An exciting start to the season. Some managers are panicking already, others are keeping their cool, while a select few may well have surprised themselves with how well their season has begun. The League of Gentlemen is starting to heat up, and who knows what drama Gameweek Three will bring. May your captaincy choices be successful, and may the FPL Gods forever be in your favour.